In my life, I have constantly been trying to please someone else– my teachers, my employers, my family, my friends, the world in general—but now, I want to please me. If my attitude, or my figure or my mentality bothers you, I’m done apologizing. Get over it. I’ve found the “Strength, Courage and Wisdom” that has been inside of me, and I am finally accepting myself for who and what I am. I don’t ask you to do the same; I just ask that you respect my decision.
I think I am finally at a place in my life where I am comfortable in my skin, and at peace with myself. I think that my being at peace makes others uncomfortable, in that because they find fault with the way I look or the way I act and think, that I should as well.
If at some point in the future, I feel the need to diet myself down to my high school weight, I will; but it won’t be because of someone constantly poking my stomach or the “When was the last time you went to the gym?”, or the “Wow, If I ate that, it’d go right to my thighs”. It would be because I wanted to, and right now, at this very moment in my life; I don’t want to. I love the fact that my body has given birth to three children, and the fact that it looks it. I love the stretch marks, the mommy lap and the added cleavage that my extra pounds give me.
I am a fickle person. I own that. I change my mind constantly, and you know what?? It’s ok! I can do that. I don’t have to stay on one course forever. I can add spice and flair to my life, if I decide to. Just because I liked computers and gaming last year, doesn’t mean that I like it today. Just because I love shopping, and fashion and beautiful things today, doesn’t mean that I will next year. The ability to change your mind, your passions, and your desires is a truly amazing gift, which I put to good use.
I have dreams. Most are unrealized but I have them nonetheless. I want to write, to travel, to teach, to learn, to craft, to relax, to breathe. Some days, I want to do one more than another, but eventually I will get to them all. Just because your path lead you straight and directly to your dreams, doesn’t mean that mine will. Asking me what I want to do with my life doesn’t help. I don’t know yet, and I think that is ok too. I don’t know today, but I might tomorrow. I thought I knew a year ago, but it’s changed. I don’t mind.
My spirituality is my own. I don’t care what or if you believe, honestly. I am finding my own way. I don’t want your opinion, your guidance or your “prayers”. I will find what rings true for me, and when I do I won’t subject you to it. Spirituality is a personal thing.
“I close my eyes and I think of all the things that I want to see
‘Cause I know, now that I’ve opened up my heart I know that
Anything I want can be, so let it be, so let it be” (India Arie “Strength Courage Wisdom”)