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A little bit of this and that —

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I’ve been pretty busy for the past week or so and haven’t really had a chance to sit down and just get it all out. So here’s a little bit of what I’ve been up to:

Signed up for : Canterbury Village Cross Country 5K in May. I’m excited and completely frackin’ nervous about it. I did a half-marathon two years ago (walking/jogging) that took me about 3 hours when I was much less physically active but that doesn’t stop the self-doubt and nerves from creeping in.

I’ve been working on school work and finishing up this term at SNHU in my journey to getting my bachelors degree in Psychology, and it’s brought me to question my career path. I enjoy the science of psychology but I know I don’t want to sit for hours and listen to people complain about their lives.. I’d much rather sit and work with children in a school but I don’t know how to focus my schooling in on that. Time to see the adviser at the campus, I suppose.

I attended a hearing for Marriage Equality in Concord, and the energy and the sheer amazing-ness (is that a word?) of the support for equality for EVERYONE that I saw there just blows my mind. I can’t wait for the day when everyone is not only allowed but ENCOURAGED to love and marry whom ever they want.

I’m still going to the gym…I took a few days off this last week and really regret it. I ended up feeling blah most of the week. I made up for it yesterday though with 2 gym trips in one day..and I’m hoping to get back in there today after spending time with my niece and finishing up school work.

— Work out for yesterday–

Elliptical 25 Minutes 280 Calories
treadmill 30 Minutes 300 Calories
yoga 90 Minutes 330 Calories


Thanksgiving 2009

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"If you want to turn your life around, try thankfulness. It will change your life mightily." -Gerald Good

This has been a year of loss, heartache, change and endings–But
throughout it all, I can see the small things to be thankful for.

I am healthy. My kids are healthy and happy. My small family, while no
longer intact in the way that I would have hoped is still functioning.
My friends have shown the utmost of support and love. My larger family
back east is happy and healthy as well, and have shown their undying
support and have been there for me when I needed to cry, to vent, to
laugh and to just get away. I've reconnected with friends from years
ago and realized how much I missed them in my life. I've made new
friends that will be lifelong ones. I've been able to travel and see
places and people that I love and look forward to visiting again. I've
found my stride as a single person and have made a good start on
several new relationships that are healthy and happy and fun. I've
realized that I'm not looking for myself anymore–I've found me and
now, I'm taking the time to get to know me again.

Thank you all so much for being part of my life this past year. Thank
you for your support, your love, your friendship. I love you all.
Here's to many more years together.


The finale…isn’t really all that grand.

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On Monday, Jason and I walked into a court room and declared in front of God and everyone that we were done. Done with each other, done with being a family, done with being married.

It all ended. 11.5 years of my life, down the drain. I have nothing really to show for it but a bruised ego, an un-trusting heart and the faint hope that in the end, I will be okay.

It's been a tumultuous few months between the two of us with little respite from stresses of daily life as a family of sorts.

I've moved out, we've both moved on.

I won't lay blame at anyone's feet, God knows I made my fair share of mistakes and wrong turns as has he.

But, in the end it was the best decision for the kids, and that's what matters right now.

I am doing my best to maintain a positive relationship with him for the sake of our three gorgeous children, and I won't lie– It's hard. It's hard to accept him in only that capacity as a father to my children, knowing that I have no further access to his daily life….that the stuff I've been privy to for the last decade is no longer "any of my business". Do I think I can maintain a friendship with him? I don't know… But I do know that I will not tolerate any one bad-mouthing him in front of me or to me or my children.

So, that's my life in a nutshell right now on that front. Sometime in the upcoming months hopfully, I will have some exciting news to share, but for now– I cant.

For Maddie:

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March of Dimes A worthwhile charity–please check them out and donate, and one day soon hopefully all our babies will be born healthy!
I wish I could walk, but I can’t take any more time off of work. My thought will be with those walking in honor of Maddie, though.