This is going to be all over the place..I apologize in advance–
A–I’ve been watching “Losing it With Jillian Michaels” today and I’m in awe of the life-changing force that is Jillian Michaels. She sees right to the heart of these peoples issues and makes such valid points. If I could put her in my pocket and carry her around all day and take her out when I’m feeling down and have her tough love me back into shape, I so would.
B–I had a mini mental breakdown this weekend and realized that I felt that I wasn’t “ENOUGH” for anyone. I wasn’t enough of one thing for one person, I wasn’t this for another person… and I was ready to just walk away from everything that I have here and just run and hide in some dark distant corner of the world..so I drove the cemetery where my mom is laid to rest and sat in the parking lot and just let it all out and cried for hours. The best part of the whole night was turning on the radio and hearing a song that has come to mean so much to me after my mother died. which to my knowledge has never been released for air play, so that caught my attention and then I heard .. and I knew somehow my mother was telling me that it was okay, I was going to be fine.
C–So today, I decided that I was taking charge of my life and I went out and rented an apartment. I’ve been living at home with my dad ever since mom passed and its time for me to move on. I didn’t move all the way to New Hampshire from Nebraska to live at home for ever. I’m 31 and I need to get on with my life. Yes, I’m divorced; yes, I’m back in school at 31 but it’s okay. I can move forward and onward to better things.
D– and the icing on the cake– My best best best friend sent me a link to an amazing song after listening to my recounting my mental break down and how I was just feeling so worthless and he couldn’t have picked a better song.
oh..and I went to the gym today: